United Nations Archive File A-6345-00-1-1999865

Emancipated Worlds Defense Force

NOTE: Transcript of low bit rate MP3 recording, late 21st century.

…was talking to Prime Minister Lionel Hammet on Tuesday, and he doesn’t like it any damned more than I do. But what choice do we have? The UK can’t get its petrol prices below ten Euro per litre. It’s not much better back home. I brought the Secretary of Energy into the Oval Office and told him, look Jim, we’re at the end of our rope. Both the Dow and NASDAQ are in the toilet. The lines at the pumps have gotten so long, people are starting to take matters into their own hands. I’ve got the FBI working up a task force to cover the spate of service station hold-ups across the country. People aren’t demanding what’s in the register, they’re demanding gas! We should —


…and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You should see the Treasury mess left for me by President Rodriguez, after he got impeached. The Federal Reserve is empty. It’s fucking empty. More empty than a jet hangar. The Dollar isn’t worth the paper its printed on. The goddamned Chinese are the only thing propping the Dollar up anymore, and they’re making demands at the Iceland summit we can’t meet. They were actually laughing —


…so here I am, only six months into my first term, and I’m about to sign our futures over to the deliberations of the U.N. Economic Crisis Council. The United States is broke, and beat. And nobody had to drop any bombs or blow up any cities to do it — though the Islamists still try to take a chunk out of us every now and again. One wonders when those bastards will try another small nuke attack. Now would be the ideal time. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs tells me —


… I think Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, they must be rolling in their graves. I’m tempted to resign, rather than have my name attached to this document sitting on my desk in front of me. It’s raining outside the Oval Office right now. Perfect. Fits the mood. The United States, brought low by its own economic incompetence. Oh fuck it, why am I even bothering to talk into this thing? Nobody’s going to give a damn anyway.

— Taken posthumously from the semi-recovered audio diary of President Nadine Mary Michaels, just two days before the White House and much of Washington D.C. was obliterated in a nuclear fission bomb attack by the Osama Martyrs Brigade.


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